September 25, 2017

MAYBE THEY COULD EXERCISE ON THE TOILET?

People spend more time sitting on the toilet each week than exercising, study finds

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Le Petomane and Michael Moyer)

Posted by Dave on September 25, 2017 at 12:36 PM
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SPORTS UPDATE

Unfortunately our strict policy against making fun of names prohibits us from bringing you the Sports Update.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on September 25, 2017 at 06:16 AM
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EW

Someone made a candy corn pizza and the Internet is unhappy

(Thanks to [appropriately enough] Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 25, 2017 at 06:14 AM
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WE SAW THE UDP OPEN FOR BLACK SABBATH

Washington State University is acquiring the necessary approvals to test equipment to compost human remains at one of its facilities in what is bluntly being called the Urban Death Project.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 25, 2017 at 06:12 AM
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SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

In an effort to find the rats new homes, the SPCA is trying something new: a "rat-a-thon".

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 25, 2017 at 05:59 AM
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THE KEY WAS A LARGE CORK

To save the planet, scientists figured out how to fix cow farts

(Thanks to David Emery)

Posted by Dave on September 25, 2017 at 05:57 AM
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IMAGINE WHAT ANCIENT SQUIRRELS WERE DOING

Ancient Frogs Might Have Eaten Dinosaurs

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 25, 2017 at 05:50 AM
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September 24, 2017

UPDATE ON THE SQUIRREL TAKEOVER

Now they're scoring touchdowns.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2017 at 02:20 PM
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TOO HIGH, DUDES

Cannabis smokers 'incapable of walking' rescued from England's highest mountain

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2017 at 02:16 PM
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A 'SURRISINGLY LARGE' WAIST

Adolf Hitler’s underpants have been sold for £5,000 at an auction in the US

(Thanks to Ron Henzel)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2017 at 02:13 PM
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OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY MEAL

Virginia woman bitten by copperhead snake inside a LongHorn Steakhouse

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "Her Yelp review said the fries weren't very good, either.")

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2017 at 02:10 PM
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September 23, 2017

AUSTRALIAN WILDLIFE REPORT

Giant goldfish discovery sparks warning not to flush

This has been the Australian Wildlife Report.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2017 at 09:46 PM
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ALAS

Prince Harry NOT Pooped On By Bird In Africa, Despite Report

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2017 at 09:43 PM
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ACTUAL SLOGAN: 'MAKE NEW ORLEANS FUN AGAIN'

New Orleans mayoral candidate Frank Scurlock accused of masturbating during Uber ride in California

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2017 at 10:52 AM
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WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE... NO, ON SECOND THOUGHT, WE'RE GOOD

Truck overturns in North Carolina, loses 44,000 pounds of vodka

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2017 at 10:46 AM
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FRANKLY WE'RE A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED

Doomsday is not on Saturday after all

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2017 at 10:45 AM
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September 22, 2017

NAME THAT CONTINENT!

Deadly snake found slithering in couple's bed sheets

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who says "This happens to my wife all the time, ba dum bump​.")

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2017 at 04:57 PM
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HIS SECOND DAY ON THE JOB

Dump truck runs over worker inside of portable toilet

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "How was your day, dear?")

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2017 at 04:53 PM
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CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

For the past few weeks, every day at the same time, around 1 p.m. — like clockwork, a chicken has been crossing the road on Main Street in Shediac, N.B., to go to the Tim Hortons, and its escapades aren't going unnoticed.

The latest episode of the poutine wars occurred on Thursday, when the reaction to a picture of “buffalo wing poutine” forced the temporary closure of a Reddit thread.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2017 at 04:49 PM
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YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

A hitchhiking raccoon hopped onto the hood of a Colorado Springs police officer’s large major accident van as he was driving to the scene of a car crash Wednesday night.

Screen Shot 2017-09-22 at 4.41.17 PM

(Thanks to Ron Weil)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2017 at 04:43 PM
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