March 06, 2015

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON ITS WAY

To The Blog's daughter

Posted by judi on March 6, 2015 at 01:04 PM
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BOOK TOUR UPDATE

Despite the hideous weather and the total shutdown of the federal government that has paralyzed the nation, a fine crowd turned out last night at Politics and Prose:

  Politics and Prose

There was even a celebrity appearance, as we can see when we zoom in on the right side of this photo:

  Gene

Yes, that is Mr. Gene Weingarten, making a friendly gesture of welcome. Thanks to Gene and everyone else who came out.

Tonight at 7 I'll be in Atlanta doing an event for A Capella Books. Rumor has it that it is NOT SNOWING IN ATLANTA. I will believe this when I see it.

Posted by Dave on March 6, 2015 at 08:59 AM
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March 05, 2015

UPDATE FROM D.C.

There's nobody here. There are penguins wandering among the snowdrifts covering what was once the Department of Commerce. BUT I AM HERE AND I WILL BE AT POLITICS AND PROSE TONIGHT AT 7 DAMMIT. There will be free pizza and wine. We can offer this because the government has shut down, so this area is totally lawless and we can do WHATEVER WE WANT.

If that's not enough of an inducement, Mr. Gene Weingarten claims he will be there. He doesn't say whether he plans to bring his oosik. But this is definitely an oosik kind of evening.

6a00d83451587d69e200e551b181948833-800wi

Posted by Dave on March 5, 2015 at 03:24 PM
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BOOK TOUR UPDATE

Last night a nice crowd turned out for the event in New Haven for WSHU Public Radio. Thanks to all who came. Before the event two Putnam folks and I went to the legendary Frank Pepe pizzeria -- pizza is a major activity in New Haven -- where we ordered two "medium" pies. This turned out to be enough pizza for the three of us, plus Belgium. These pizzas were HUGE. Wildebeests could graze on them.

Pepes pizza

That's Michael Barson on the right. (Photo by Katie McKee.)

Today I am going to attempt to travel to Washington, D.C. This may be difficult because apparently both of the polar ice caps are currently converging on the area. Nevertheless at 7 tonight I'll be at Politics and Prose. Please come. I'm thinking about announcing my candidacy for president, and everybody who attends WILL be appointed to, at minimum, the cabinet.

Posted by Dave on March 5, 2015 at 08:04 AM
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March 04, 2015

HE'S THE WARRANT OF THE WEEK, ALL RIGHT

A man commented on his own wanted poster on the Butler County Sheriff’s Office Facebook page.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by judi on March 4, 2015 at 04:47 PM
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DUE TO OUR STRICT POLICY

...we cannot blog this item, whatever it is.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by judi on March 4, 2015 at 04:30 PM
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PERHAPS WE SHOULD NOT BE SO GRAPHIC

Average penis size revealed...

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Susie Q. Wacvet, who adds, "Where can I volunteer to be a measurer?)

 

Posted by judi on March 4, 2015 at 04:26 PM
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GUESS THE STATE

A man shot his sister with a BB gun for making him a phallic birthday cake. He thought it would be funny.

(Thanks to Poker)

Posted by judi on March 4, 2015 at 01:22 PM
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NEWS YOU CAN USE

For what, exactly, we are not sure, but hey, Dave's not here, so we're blogging penises

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by judi on March 4, 2015 at 01:14 PM
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March 03, 2015

BOOK TOUR UPDATE

It is a hideous evening in New York. Snow, sleet, rain, locusts, boils, frogs. EVERYTHING. And yet people came to my signing at the Upper West Side Barnes and Noble. Thank you, brave people! I realize some of you were probably eaten by roving packs of Upper West Side wolves after you left the building, and you may rest assured that I appreciate it.

Above all, I appreciate the woman who took my request to bring jerky and antibiotics seriously, or at least semi-seriously:

20150303_211054

Idiot that I am, I failed to get this wonderful woman's name. Perhaps she will identify herself in the comments. Again, whoever you are, thank you.

Tomorrow night I will be in New Haven, Connecticut. I'm sure I'll get there. We have a good sled and an experienced team of dogs. Or squadron of dogs. Or whatever you call the unit of dogs pulling a sled.

Posted by Dave on March 3, 2015 at 09:22 PM
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I FOUND THE INTERNET

It's in New York.

Dave at Google

Google is worth $365 billion. Judging from my tour of their New York offices, I would say they have invested at least $300 billion of that in snacks.

Posted by Dave on March 3, 2015 at 09:15 AM
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LET'S FACE IT, THE APOCALYPSE IS HERE

Incredible photo captures weasel riding on the back of a flying woodpecker

We bet they landed in Newark.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on March 3, 2015 at 08:54 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DEAD

DEA warns of stoned rabbits if Utah passes medical marijuana

Related: Nebraska police find pot inside container labeled 'Not Weed'

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Jon Harris, Rick Day and Charles Cates)

 

Posted by Dave on March 3, 2015 at 08:51 AM
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March 02, 2015

BEST BOOK-TOUR EVENT EVER

Tonight I got to hang out with my boy and his boy.

20150302_193830 copy

Posted by Dave on March 2, 2015 at 09:12 PM
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A FLORIDA TRUCK DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON ITS WAY

"There's no word on how the driver ended up there in the first place."

(Thanks to Craig Roberts, who asks "How many possibilities could exist?")

Posted by judi on March 2, 2015 at 04:42 PM
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SHARKNADO 3

...gets a run for its money.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and funny man)

Posted by judi on March 2, 2015 at 04:36 PM
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NEW IN OUR ONGOING SERIES OF ITEMS WHICH MEN SHOULD NOT CLICK ON

Spiritual leader allegedly suggests a unique method for men to be "closer to God."

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by judi on March 2, 2015 at 02:08 PM
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FOR INSTANCE, HE RECOMMENDED THE SCHOOL FOR PSYCHICS

“Your Uncle Jim who gives bad advice when he’s alive will still be your Uncle Jim who gives bad advice when he’s dead,” Mr. Upton says.

(Thanks to judy b)

Posted by judi on March 2, 2015 at 11:16 AM
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DAVE WROTE A BOOK?

Please visit davebarry.com for event details and ticket information.

DaveBarry_TourDates

Posted by judi on March 2, 2015 at 10:37 AM
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BOOK TOUR UPDATE

Yesterday I spoke at an enjoyable event called "Sleuthfest" in Delray Beach, Florida, then boarded a flight from Fort Lauderdale to La Guardia. Even before we took off, the pilot was giving us warnings about the weather in New York, and en route he kept coming on the p.a. to make unsettling statements along the lines of, "It's in the hands of God now, folks." He began mentioning other places we might wind up, including JFK airport, Newark, Beirut, etc. Finally he told us that La Guardia was impossible, so we were diverting to JFK. After what felt like several years of the plane bouncing around and making many turns in dense clouds, the pilot came on the p.a., and, after a brief mention of Pittsburgh (really), declared that we were going to land in Newark. From there it was only a fun lengthy ride in a superheated taxi with strangers into Manhattan, where I will spend the next few days flagrantly prostituting myself for my new book, which is for sale. Tomorrow night at 7 p.m. I'll be at the Barnes & Noble at 82nd and Broadway. I hope to see you there. I hope to see me there.

Update: Here's a nice review that I swear I did not pay for.

Posted by Dave on March 2, 2015 at 09:53 AM
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