August 28, 2016

APPEARING SOON IN BOOKSTORES EVERYWHERE EXCEPT THE REST OF THE WORLD

Here's an extremely factual excerpt from my extremely factual new book Best. State. Ever.

Posted by Dave on August 28, 2016 at 02:30 PM
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NO MORE MISS BIM-BIM

The government of Burkina Faso has banned an annual beauty contest for women with the biggest buttocks, saying such events are sexist.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on August 28, 2016 at 01:27 PM
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THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THE DEATH PENALTY

Subway cricket prankster nearly made her performance art a whole lot worse with roaches

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who saw Subway Cricket Prankster open for Captain Beefheart)

Posted by Dave on August 28, 2016 at 01:25 PM
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FRIEND OF THE MONTH SO FAR

Man drops mobile in outhouse so friend goes in after it only to become trapped in faeces

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on August 28, 2016 at 01:21 PM
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PROBABLY VEGAN

Stench from Shropshire bio-gas site blamed on new employee

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on August 28, 2016 at 01:18 PM
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August 27, 2016

HENCE THE TERM 'FARM SYSTEM'

Sheep Runs Across Outfield, Interrupts Minor League Baseball Game

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on August 27, 2016 at 11:54 AM
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GUYS IN ACTION

Man dunks himself in bathtub filled with hot sauce

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on August 27, 2016 at 11:51 AM
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A NATION COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL

Naked man takes a bath, steals tomatoes from residential backyard in Toronto

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 27, 2016 at 11:47 AM
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August 26, 2016

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

Sunday is GoTopless Day.

(Thanks to Howard from Broward)

"Free the nipple."

(Thanks to wiredog)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 11:29 AM
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HOLD THE PICKLES, HOLD THE LETTUCE, SPECIAL ORDERS DON'T UPSET US

A Burger King manager in Conway, NH has been arrested for throwing sauce at a customer during an altercation over a hamburger bun.

(Thanks to Glen Page)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:27 AM
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MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME

Early Wednesday morning, motel employees told police they were in the lobby when a fully naked man walked by carrying an ice bucket.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and John Mayson)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:24 AM
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FORE!

The jet pack golf cart

(Thanks to Kenzen in Oregon)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:22 AM
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FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A man spotted yesterday afternoon performing oral sex on a woman lying down on a Florida beach boardwalk told cops that he was an “emergency responder and had to assist the female as it was his duty,” according to a criminal complaint.

In that case, sir...

(Thanks to Michael Huber and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:20 AM
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GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

 Nail Capsule Fingernail Catcher

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:17 AM
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WE WANT TO BE A PART OF IT, NEW YORK, NEW YORK

Woman releases tub of live crickets and worms on New York subway then pees on herself sending screaming commuters into a frenzy

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:15 AM
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'FIREFIGHTERS WET THE UNDERPANTS'

According to the release, when firefighters got the car open, they found a pair of burning underwear on the passenger seat, which had produced a small fire.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:12 AM
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FOLLOWED BY NAKED HANG GLIDING

Grandma celebrates 100th birthday with game of beer pong

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 06:05 AM
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IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Oklahoma police dog finds meth in box of Twinkies

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on August 26, 2016 at 05:59 AM
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August 25, 2016

SOMEBODY'S NOT GETTING A TIP

The waiter then pulled out a semi-automatic pistol and fired three shots into the ceiling of the restaurant.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

Posted by Dave on August 25, 2016 at 02:47 PM
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YET THE ALIENS DON'T BELIEVE IN CANADIANS

Four in five Canadians believe in aliens: Angus Reid poll

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 25, 2016 at 02:45 PM
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