August 16, 2017

THEY'RE OVER BY THE HOTTIES

H-E-B president wonders what aisle 'hoochies' are on after finding grocery list

(Thanks to Bobby Grawl)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 02:54 PM
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SOON THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT OF THIS ONCE-GREAT NATION

Chuck E. Cheese's animatronics may take a final bow

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 02:49 PM
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BOLO

‘Jorts-wearing bandit’ hits St. Louis

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 02:48 PM
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LIKE A WINDSHIELD BUG ON A MUCH LARGER SCALE

Dead whale found stuck to bow of Princess cruise ship entering Alaska port

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "The Oregon Highway department is on the way to remove it.")

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 02:46 PM
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THE WIDOW USED PEPPER SPRAY

Man's widow, girlfriend have brawl at funeral home during viewing

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says, "Other than that...")

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 11:15 AM
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WISCONSIN: WHERE MEN ARE MEN

Man accidentally shoots nail into heart, drives himself to hospital

"I'm not gonna get anything done today, I can see that already."

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 11:13 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR...

"Police stopped and spoke to the defendant, who informed police he had found a hose and was going to take the hose and cut it up to make bong pipes," Snr Const Erskine said.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 11:09 AM
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IN AMERICA HE'D GET A GRANT

Beijing art student rumored to have been disciplined for putting dildo on top of flagpole

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 10:59 AM
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WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE NOBEL PRIZES

Woman invents 'Sushi Cornish pasty'

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 10:48 AM
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WE THOUGHT WE WERE MAKING A JOKE

Mobile County schools ban outdoor eclipse viewing

(Thanks to D in Mobile)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2017 at 10:35 AM
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August 15, 2017

BOLO

Truck With 20 Tons Of Nutella And Chocolate Vanishes

(Thanks to B'game)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 04:35 PM
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NOW WITH ADDED PROTEIN

Chick-fil-A sandwich had dead rodent baked inside, lawsuit alleges

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Nelson in Michigan, who asks "Why on Earth would he want an UNBAKED rodent in his sandwich?")

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 04:33 PM
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THIS ACTUALLY DOESN'T SEEM LIKE SUCH A BAD IDEA

Shock claims Great Pyramid reveals EXACT DATE of end of world…and it’s NEXT MONTH

Advisory: It's the Daily Star.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 04:31 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

TEXAS: STATE OF ROMANCE

A warrant has been issued for a Texas resident who stands accused of having sex with a chain link fence, according to court records.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Steven Pudlo, Patty Villanova and Andrew Mendez)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 04:26 PM
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SIPPING A MOJITO

Possible panther recorded lounging by Florida woman's pool

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 11:16 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

IN SOME SOCIETIES THIS WOULD MEAN THEY WERE LEGALLY MARRIED

Pet owner saved his drowning tortoise's life after giving it mouth-to-mouth for an hour

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Patty Villanova and Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 11:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

SEND THESE TOADS TO WASHINGTON

Tiny toads close road in Whistler, B.C.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 11:07 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS SET THIS UP

An insurance company has been forced to pay out over 1.5 million rubles after nearly 3,000 turkeys in the Tambov region of Russia were spooked to death by a lizard.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 10:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES:

The horizontal shower.

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 10:56 AM
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TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Incensed that he would have to share Taco Bell tacos with his brother--who brought the takeout food home--an Alabama man grabbed a baseball bat and struck his sibling in the head, police allege.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ray Reese)

Posted by Dave on August 15, 2017 at 10:52 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

 
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