October 19, 2017

WE SAW SPAM HEISTS OPEN FOR THE WHO

Spam heists in Hawaii prompt retailers to put the wildly popular ‘mystery meat’ in locked cases

(Thanks to wiredog and Not My Usual Alias)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 10:23 AM
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WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

A California restaurant is proudly serving reheated Popeyes chicken

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 10:18 AM
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IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

DUI Suspect Tells Police “I didn’t drink enough for you to be able to smell it!”

You know the state.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 10:15 AM
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ADVISORY II

Doctors beg you not to ‘cleanse’ your vagina with a cucumber

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:17 AM
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CSI: PANAMA CITY

Police called to referee fight over toilet paper

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:15 AM
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POSSIBLY GARLIC-RELATED

Olive Garden explosion puts massive hole in Maryland restaurant

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:12 AM
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GAME OF THRONES BONES

Superstitious villagers convinced dragons are real after discovering 60ft skeleton of 'mythical creature'

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:11 AM
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ADVISORY

HACKED BUTT PLUG CAN BE CONTROLLED 'FROM ANYWHERE'

(Thanks to Linda Schutjer and Michael Huber)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:08 AM
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WE WANT A TELEVISED CONGRESSIONAL HEARING

The annual turkey drop in which a turkey is flung from a low-flying plane at an Arkansas festival has prompted a federal investigation.

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:05 AM
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THEY BOTH HAVE VALID DRIVERS' LICENSES

Florida woman takes chicken paddleboarding

(Thanks to Linda Schutjer)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:02 AM
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SURELY THAT WILL WIN HER BACK

Officials say the 22-year-old son of a Florida sheriff’s lieutenant took his father’s unmarked car and used it to pull over his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 19, 2017 at 06:00 AM
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October 18, 2017

WORTH A SHOT

A 21-year-old man wanted for probation violations surrendered at a suburban Detroit police station — with a dozen doughnuts for officers.

(Thanks to nursecindy, who says "Future politician")

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 12:24 PM
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NOTED

Too much exercise can kill you - especially if you're a white man

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who says "No problem here!")

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 12:23 PM
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THESE VAGABOND HOOVES ARE LONGING TO STRAY

Bull recaptured after running through streets of New York City

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 12:19 PM
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'IT WILL BE OVERPOWERED BY 16-YEAR-OLDS'

Pole dancing could be on track to becoming an Olympic sport

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 12:16 PM
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YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT

Uranus Will Look Spectacular This Weekend

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 06:16 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR CREAM

Candidate falls for hoax, proposes drug-sniffing police bunnies

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 06:14 AM
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FLORIDA: A FUN STATE

Police said Walker smiled and giggled and called field sobriety exercises fun. In one exercise, she estimated the passage of 30 seconds after 80 seconds, according to the report.

(Thanks to MOTW)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 06:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

4:17 p.m. A Bigfork woman needed help getting her trumpet back from her ex-boyfriend.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 06:07 AM
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ALWAYS A SOUND PLAN

...firefighters say they suspect a propane torch was used to burn spiders from under the trailer.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2017 at 05:57 AM
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October 17, 2017

ANKLE SPRAINS?

"When it comes to sex, we see everything from neck injuries to wrist fractures, ankle sprains and, of course, back problems. Hernias are common, too, close to where the adductor muscles of the pelvic region become strained.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck, who says "Be careful out there!") (Also James Flynn, who says "The dismount is critical.")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 07:34 PM
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IN MIAMI, WE CALL THIS 'RUSH HOUR'

Two racecar drivers have been arrested after getting into a fistfight following a crash on an Indiana racetrack that ended with a police officer using a stun gun on one of the drivers.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 04:43 PM
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IT SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

North Carolina woman accused of assaulting boyfriend with bacon

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 01:54 PM
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NAME THAT STATE!

7-Eleven Patron Busted In Nacho Cheese Attack

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, John Mayson and Suzie Q Wacvet)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 12:28 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

...the voice-activated fridge that “walks” to you when called

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 12:26 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

'A TRIBUTE TO THE GREAT STATE OF NEW JERSEY'

Adidas Pizza Shoes

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 12:24 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WHERE THEY WILL IMMEDIATELY BE ATTACKED BY VENOMOUS SNAKES

Google drones will drop burritos into people's yards in Australia

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Bill Carver)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 12:15 PM
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FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fort Pierce man robs gas station with cattle prod

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "I guess he forgot his machete.")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 12:13 PM
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CANADA CONTINUES ITS DESCENT INTO ANARCHY

Limping moose temporarily blocks couple from voting in 2017 Calgary election

(Thanks to Ralph)

We saw Limping Moose open for The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 12:11 PM
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IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID DRIVER'S LICENSE AND IS NOW RUNNING FOR CONGRESS

'Suspicious' iguana captured at Florida restaurant

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 12:09 PM
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GUY DOGS IN ACTION

In Rio, watch where you sit.

(Thanks to Geoff)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 06:09 AM
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IN THAT CASE SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Melbourne Man Blames ‘Captain Morgan’ For Destroying Room

Name We Are Not Making Fun Of: "Charles Steedly Folk"

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 06:05 AM
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THE WEARY WORLD REJOICES

Britain’s first vegan avocado chocolate bar is finally here

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 06:02 AM
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BE ADVISED:

Fish Depression Is Not a Joke

(Thanks to Le Petomane and D Shey)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 05:59 AM
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"SHE SAID, 'WHY DON'T WE HAVE MORE TIME TOGETHER?'"

A gardener got so fed up with his wife's nagging he ran away from home and lived in the woods for ten years.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2017 at 05:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

October 16, 2017

PUTTING YOUR JACK O'LANTERN TO SHAME

Man builds 2-story 'Star Wars' vehicle replica for Halloween

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 04:27 PM
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SHE SHOULD GET A MEDAL

Longmont police arrest gun-toting woman who threatened squirrel

(Thanks to Michael Hutchinson)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 04:25 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

LADIES: HE MIGHT BE SINGLE!

The woman was able to identify Wilson in a lineup. He has a 2-line forehead tattoo that reads in part, "I'm a pornstar".

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 04:23 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR BON JOVI

Are flatulent shellfish really contributing to climate change?

(Thanks to Steven Pudlo)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 04:19 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

THEY ARE FAR AHEAD OF US

Squirrels Use Sophisticated Technique To Separate Nuts By Type, Study Finds

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck, Catherine DeLorey, Patty Villanova, bandarr3000 and John Lobert, who says "I keep mine together.")

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 04:14 PM
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BEAM ME UP TO WASHINGTON

Miami politician says aliens took her on a spaceship. Now she’s running for Congress.

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 12:44 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

CANADIAN MEDICAL CARE UPDATE

Dr. Kitty will see you in her basement now.

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 11:56 AM
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THAT'LL BUY A LOT OF KRISPY KREME

A man arrested in Florida after police mistook doughnut glaze in his car for meth has received a $37,500 settlement.

(Thanks to Bill Carver and Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 11:54 AM
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FAJITA: GATEWAY TO AVOCADO

The Cameron County District Attorney’s Office has beef with one Juvenile Justice Department employee, alleging he stole $1.2 million worth of fajitas during the past nine years.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, Le Petomane and Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 11:48 AM
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WE BLAME THESE MILLENNIALS, WITH THEIR INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR TOAST

3 California men arrested for illegal sale of avocados totaling more than $300K Email

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 11:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Jeremy the Lefty Snail Is Dead.

(Thanks to hugetracts)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 06:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WASN'T THIS A SCENE IN 'ZOOLANDER?'

Man arrested after trying to light cigarette with nozzle

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 06:04 AM
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THE WEST

Apparently it's still wild.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 06:02 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

EW

Ew.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 05:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

MRS. MONGO!

Woman 'punches police horse' and tries to pull officer to ground during brutal clash between football fans

(Thanks to Roberto)

Headline reference here.

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2017 at 05:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

 
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