December 15, 2017

'ON SUSPICION OF DRUNK DRIVING'

Driver arrested after Mercedes ends up wedged upright in London street

(Thanks to Nigel Grout)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 06:44 PM
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GUYS IN ACTION

Man demonstrates how to fell tree with a shotgun

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 06:42 PM
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'SOME IN JEDI COSTUME'

‘Star Wars’ Fans Storm Theater Lobby Over Lack Of Sound During ‘Last Jedi’

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 12:16 PM
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A FEEL-GOOD STORY FROM PHATTHALUNG PROVINCE

A group of villagers in Thailand banded together to rescue a massive 450-pound catfish that became stranded in a swamp after flooding in the area.

They transported it in a motorcycle sidecar.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:42 AM
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WE'RE WITH IT

Rude tit swoops in and steals squirrel’s nut

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:39 AM
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LOOKING FOR A UNIQUE HOLIDAY GIFT?

Look no farther.

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Star Wars lettuce.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:34 AM
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FIRST THE POOPING BOMB DOG AT MIDWAY, AND NOW THIS

Two polar bears chased off runway in Utqiagvik

(Thanks to Jane from Kenai)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:28 AM
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MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

8:46 a.m. A Martin City woman called 911 and said, “You’ll never help me.” Then she went on and listed her grievances.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:27 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

WE ARE NOT AMUSED

Dave --

I was at the Miami-Dade Library annual book sale and came across your book, "Dave Barry Turns 40." What's amusing is that it was located in the Spirituality/Religious section.

Ariel

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:21 AM
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DOES THIS MEAN WE CAN KEEP OUR SHOES ON?

Midway bomb-sniffing dog has pooping problem

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says this could actually improve the Midway experience.)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:16 AM
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FROSTY THE ASSAULT FORCE

Man charged over rocket launcher snowman in Londonderry

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

SO HANG IN THERE, LADIES

Women more unhappy than men until they reach mid-80s

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2017 at 09:05 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

December 14, 2017

TERRORISM UPDATE

‘Large possum’ pinned to power outage in northern Rio Rancho

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, who says "Sounds like a squirrel in disguise to me.")

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 12:49 PM
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DON'T BOTHER WITH MIAMI, EITHER

Charity that provides support for virgin Danish women over 40 admits it can't find any

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 12:47 PM
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SO THERE'S STILL ONE MISSING

Another Human Foot Washes Ashore in Canada. That Makes 13.

(Thanks to ubetcha)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 12:46 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

WE BET THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY WAS DRIVING IT CRAZY

Bovine Escapes Live Nativity in Philly Twice in One Morning; Makes Way Onto I-95, Parking Garage

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 12:44 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THIS IS HOW WE PICTURE HEAVEN

Air 'smells like bacon' after semi-truck crash spills meat onto roadway

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 06:27 AM
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ON THE PLUS SIDE, 'OBSCENE CONTRAILS' WOULD BE A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

U.S. Navy sends Okanogan School Dist. letter of apology for obscene sky drawing

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 06:25 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

'THIS IS A PATIENT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, NOT AN AUTOGRAPH BOOK'

Surgeon admits marking his initials on the livers of two patients

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan, who says "I don't know what fuss is about; people get their body parts tattooed all the time... and this guy didn't even charge extra.")

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 06:23 AM
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HO HO... NO.

Sriracha Candy Canes

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 06:19 AM
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YOU CAN ALSO JUST HIT THEM WITH A HAMMER

We can make plants pass out—with the same drugs that mysteriously knock us out

(Thanks to R. Harvey)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2017 at 06:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

December 13, 2017

O CANADUDE

Your neighbourhood weed retailer will be called CannabisNB

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 01:45 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

AFTER OPENING FOR BEYONCE

Loose monkey dodges capture in Tokyo for over a week

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 01:44 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

THEY HAD A GOOD RUN

Future of kebabs to be decided today in key vote

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 01:42 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

WE HOPE THAT AT LEAST IT WAS A CLEAN CAR

Uber charges Toronto rider $14,400 for a 20-minute rush hour ride

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 06:16 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

FLATHEAD COUNTY: WHERE CRIME NEVER TAKES A DAY OFF

2:56 p.m. A Columbia Falls woman called police on her own cat.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 06:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

ATTENTION, ART-LOVERS:

'Monster' fatberg to go on display in museum

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 06:07 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

THE FRIENDLY SKIES

Man Biting Passengers On JetBlue Flight Forces Plane To Turn Around

(Thanks to D Shey)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 06:04 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

HO HO HO

Christmas decorations go VIRAL for all the WRONG reasons

We also see this look a lot on the lawns of South Florida.

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 06:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

MEANWHILE IN THE ARTS

Flaming Bagpiper Dressed As Rebel Pilot Takes Down An AT-AT While Riding Unicycle

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 05:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

IN THE TRUE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON

You can now get your boyfriend's face 3D-printed on a sex toy this Christmas

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 05:57 AM
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CSI: DENVER, PA.

Woman stole salad dressing, hurt store worker

(Thanks to Honey Mustard)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 05:55 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

WE HAVE BAD NEWS AND GOOD NEWS

Smokers who get boob jobs have a high risk of their nipples falling off - but blood-sucking LEECHES can save them

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2017 at 05:52 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

December 12, 2017

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Men Suffer More When Sick, Study Suggests

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2017 at 08:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

BECAUSE IT *WORKS,* DAMMIT

Two Ohio families have accidentally burned down their homes trying to kill bed bugs in two weeks

Ohio: The Florida of the Midwest.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2017 at 08:30 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, PUFF AWAY

They made her put out her cigarette. She then threatened to kill everyone on the plane.

(Thanks to Chris Johnson, who says "I don't really feel like she was overreacting.")

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2017 at 06:06 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

ALWAYS STOP AT 49

Having 50 orgasms a day is pure torture

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2017 at 06:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

THEY COULD JUST COME TO MIAMI

Turkish University Course to Prepare Students for Alien Encounters

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2017 at 05:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

ALTHOUGH FIRST THE PLANE LANDED

Swiss woman angry over champagne refusal ejected from plane

(Thanks to coscolo)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2017 at 05:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

December 11, 2017

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN

Krispy Kreme beer is coming soon

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 02:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

SURELY THAT WILL SOLVE HIS PROBLEM

Man upset with court tries to crash into courthouse

(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Woozy Barnes)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 02:18 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

'AFTER AN OUTCRY FROM THE COMMUNITY'

That rock Calgary drivers kept hitting has found a new home where it can be appreciated forever

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 06:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

ONE-STOP SHOPPING, DUDE

Nova Scotia Plans To Sell Weed In Liquor Stores

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 06:21 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

FIRST THE DEAD WHALE, AND NOW THIS

Truck overturns, spills nearly 4 tons of slime eels on Oregon Coast highway

(Thanks to D Shey, who says "Remind me, who did they open for?")

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 06:19 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

'SERVED AT THE COLDEST TIME OF THE YEAR'

Sour Rams' Testicles

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who says "Yum")

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 06:16 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

'BAMA BOOM'

Mysterious 'skyquakes' continue across the world with few answers to their origins

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 06:08 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

FIRST BREXIT, AND NOW THIS

Defence Secretary’s pet tarantula evicted from MoD HQ

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 06:07 AM
Permalink | Comments (2)

'PRETTY SURE MARY DIDN'T HAVE HER BRA SHOWING'

Nativity scene reflects poorly on Catholic traditions

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2017 at 06:05 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

December 10, 2017

IT WAS ASKING FOR IT

A young man pulled up to a McDonald's drive-thru in West Anchorage early Saturday in an agitated state, then shot the building, police said.

(Thanks to Jane from Kenai)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2017 at 03:29 PM
Permalink | Comments (15)

 
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